My Journey to a Book Contract - Part 7 Internal Dialog

by Elva Cobb Martin

Today I am sharing some internal dialogue notes from the Prism editor of  my romantic suspense novel, Summer of Deception, which is to be released in March, 2017.

What do you think the characters in the pictures below might be thinking?

Secret: My hero for my next novel. Ethan Wentworth. He's begging me to tell his story.

Internal Dialogue and Italics – Notes from Susan Baganz, Editor, Prism Book Group

   Internal dialog is the way someone talks to themselves in their minds, it’s not just mere thoughts)

1) Just plain thoughts are not italicized.  

     

     Was this a manipulation?  

     Good gravy. Was this the way the Marines landed?  

    

2)When the character is actually talking to himself, that should be italicized. 

   

      It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare.

      Get out of my way, please.

      Not expecting her?

      A pleasing fragrance emanated from her. Musk or lavender?

3) Silent prayers are italicized.

     God help me.

     Lord, thank You for this wonderful summer position, but I’m going to need Your help big time to sit at table with this man every day.

4)  Third person past tense versus first person present tense in thoughts. (This was an eye opener for me)

         

     Incorrect: Wipe the silly smirk off your face. (Simple thought of character I had in italics)

    Corrected: She longed to wipe the silly smirk off his face.

    

     Incorrect: Yes, what is preventing me?

     Corrected: Yes, what was preventing her?

      Incorrect: So you don't care a thing about Morgan, Mr. Barrett? And you think marijuana shouldn't be legalized, but you've stashed a fortune in cocaine in your attic.

     Corrected:  So he didn't care a thing about Morgan. And he thought marijuana shouldn't be legalized but he stashed a fortune of cocaine in his attic. 

Please share any tips you have about internal dialog, and do share this blog on your social media if it proved helpful.

Elva Cobb Martin

My Journey to a Book Contract - Part 6 Master Deep Point of View

by Elva Cobb Martin

Part 6 - Master Deep Point of View (DPOV)

I highly recommend you purchase a copy of Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View by Jill Elizabeth Nelson! It is a small book but a great help in mastering DPOV.

DPOV draws the reader into the arms and head of your character.

Mastering DPOV often eliminates most problems with show/don’t tell and italics.

Here are some quick pointers:

♦  Never say he/she thought, felt, knew, wondered, realized, decided. 

Simply write what it is.

    Wrong: He understood how much this would mean to her. He knew she’d be worried.

    Right: This would mean a  lot to her. She would be worried.

♦  Don’t name the emotion, describe it instead.

     

     Shallow: Jealousy flashed through me.

     Deep: Heat boiled my insides. If that wimp could win a trophy, where was mine?

♦  Describe physical effects on the body: 

         Anger: His hands formed into fists.

       Nervous: Sweat popped out on his palms. His throat closed.

♦  Ditch Prepositional telling phrases (of, with, in)

     

     Shallow: Desiree’s skin prickled with pleasant excitement.

      Deep: Shadows deepened. The place reeked of ancient secrets.   Desi's skin prickled.

♦  Don’t use he/she saw, tasted, smelled, heard. Simply state what he saw, tasted, smelled or heard.

     Shallow: He could see the tip of the dog’s nose peeking out of the                            closet.

     Deep: The tip of the dog’s nose peeked out of the closet.

     Shallow: He tasted bile. 

     Deep: Bile rose in his throat.

Do you have some tips to help master DPOV? Please leave a comment and share on your social media if this blog helped you.

Elva Cobb Martin

My Journey to a Book Contract - Part 5 Master Show/Don't Tell

by Elva Cobb Martin

Show/don't tell is a biggie for us writers to master, and I keep working at it, believe me. Randy Ingermanson has helped me a lot. Here is an excerpt from his blog archive at https://www.advancedfictionwriting.com

How to Show/Not tell 

by Randy Ingermanson

 1) Action: Anything your characters do, shown in real time. 

• Jake swung the bat into the kidnapper's head.

 2) Dialogue: Anything your characters say, shown in quote marks.

      "Take that, you scurvy dog!" Jake shouted.

3) Interior Monologue: Anything your chracters think, whether a verbatim record of the thought or a mere statement of it. Verbatim thoughts are often shown in italics, whereas indirect thoughts never are.

    And if you ever touch my daughter again, you're dead.

    What were these idiots thinking, to mess with the daughter of a Navy Seal?

4) Interior Emotion: Anything your characters feel. This is best done by showing direct physiological reactions which can be interpreted as emotions.

      Another rush of adrenaline boiled up in Jake's stomach.

5) Description: Anything your characters can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.

     Two gunshots range in quick succession. The bare light bulb in the basement exploded in a curst of darkness. Cold air rushed over Jake like a river. He smelled gunpowder so strong he could taste it. The small red dot of a laser aiming device raced across the floor toward his feet.

What has helped you show/not tell? Please leave a comment and share this blog on your social media by clicking on the icons below.

Elva Cobb Martin

My Journey to a Book Contract - Part 4 Master GMC and MRU's

by Elva Cobb Martin

We continue "My Journey to a Book Contract" and honing your craft. This is Part 4. You can access Parts 1-3 in our archives.

Master “Goals, Motivation, and Conflict” 

(check out a great book with same title by Debra Dixon)

Your hero, heroine and even other characters should have a:

        Goal – What they want

        Motivation – Why they want it

        Conflict – The why not (what stands in their way)

   

   Internal and External Needs evolve into Goals, Motivation, Conflict which drive the story.

           Carolyn Greene says inner conflict is what gives characters’ something to think about.

           External conflict propels the plot and gives characters something to do.

           Inner needs can be universal and intangible: respect, acceptance, security, safety, love

           External needs should be tangible and resolvable:  justice, revenge, the truth, job promotion   

Example: Kirsten Arnold wrote on a Seekerville blog comment her idea at Internal and external GMC & logline.

Log Line/Pitch: A rugged Alaskan hunting guide must save the younger brother of the woman he loves while learning to accept the forgiveness that can set him free and open the door to love and life. 

    

Who: Cooper Maitland: Alaskan outfitter/hunting guide

External GMC: Cooper wants to help the FBI catch drug traffickers operating as Alaskan fishermen, and save Bryce Wallace the kid brother of McAye Wallace the woman Cooper loves.
Internal GMC: Cooper wants to forgive himself and accept God’s forgiveness for the terrible mistake he made that cost McAye’s sister her life. His love for McAye stands in the way, because it serves as a constant reminder of his past and keeps him mired in guilt.


Master MRU’s - Motivation Reaction Units

(Should be in this order but don’t have to include all 4)

  1) Physical or gut level

  2) Thought

  3) dialog (can be combined with action)

  4) action

Incorrect Order (example from my draft of Summer of Deception)

Rachel looked at him for a long moment. First the housekeeper, now this man. Wasn’t anyone expecting her? A sting shot through her empty stomach. But she shook off her uneasiness. Everything could be cleared up in two seconds. She dug in her handbag. “Mr. Barrett offered me a summer position. I have his note here.”

Corrected Order: 

A sting shot through Rachel’s empty stomach. Wasn’t anyone expecting her? First the housekeeper, now this man. She looked at him a long moment and cast off her uneasiness. Everything could be cleared up in two seconds. “Mr. Barrett offered me a summer position. I have his note here.”

She dug in her handbag.

What helped you master GMC or MRU's? Please leave a comment and share this blog on your social media by clicking on the icons below.

Elva Cobb Martin